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Thomas Holton

This lightning-quick winger dances past defenders with an effortless first touch, though his tendency to tunnel-vision during counterattacks often leaves his teammates tearing their hair out. To focus before kickoff, he insists on balancing a lukewarm blueberry muffin on his forehead for exactly sixty seconds, a bizarre ritual his locker room peers greet with a mixture of disbelief and frantic prayers. His explosive acceleration and unshakable balance make him a constant, unpredictable nightmare for any backline.