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Knarik Mkrtchyan

This Armenian dynamo patrols the flank with terrifying pace and an attitude to match, though her ability to track aerial balls remains laughably tragic. She famously once dribbled past an entire youth team while taunting their goalkeeper, only to accidentally knock herself out by sprinting face-first into the goalpost post-celebration. With world-class defensive instincts and the strength of a tank, she treats every opposition winger like a personal annoyance meant to be bullied off the pitch.