Cem Hager

A towering German force, he blends pure sprinting velocity with lethal heading accuracy to dismantle defenses with a calm, stoic demeanor. Before every kickoff, he insists on balancing a lukewarm blueberry muffin on his forehead for exactly ten seconds to find his focus, leaving his teammates both baffled and silently terrified. While his heavy touch often betrays him when trying to dribble, his predatory finishing ensures that when the ball hits his boot, it is game over.