Robert Bossi

Towering over defenders with lethal pace and clinical finishing, this calm Italian striker turns goal scoring into a methodical art form despite his puzzling lack of aerial dominance. To sharpen his focus, he insists on peeling exactly three mandarin oranges before kickoff, leaving his bewildered teammates to navigate a locker room littered with discarded citrus peels. He remains unflappable, knowing his clinical composure will eventually pay off.