Martine Dembele

Towering over defenders, this Ivorian speedster incinerates backlines with her blistering pace and clinical finishing, though her clunky dribbling under pressure often draws eye-rolls from the bench. She demands absolute silence in the locker room while she eats exactly three cold gummy worms to align her chakras, a bizarre ritual that leaves her bewildered teammates shaking their heads. With an arrogance as unmatched as her penalty precision, she plays every match like she is the only person on the pitch who knows how to score.