Simo Gicquel

This electrifying French goalkeeper is a wall who parries everything in sight, though his positioning often leaves him scrambling like a headless chicken. To get in the zone, he insists on loudly reciting nursery rhymes to his gloves before every kickoff, a ritual that leaves his teammates both deeply confused and impressively entertained. Despite his chaotic aura, his reflex-driven shot-stopping makes him an absolute nightmare for any striker.