Simona Fantoni

After a freak freak juggling accident involving a flying accordion nearly cracked her skull, she returned with an even more monstrous arrogance and a physical dominance that makes every midfielder fear her shadow. She bullies opponents with ruthless aggression and lungs that never quit, though she frequently treats the ball like a stray dog she has yet to fully house-train. She knows she is the best on the pitch, and frankly, she has zero interest in hearing otherwise.