Artur Tsoy

This lightning-fast Kazakh defensive powerhouse shuts down strikers with brutal aggression, though he strangely relies on balancing a raw onion on his head in the locker room for ten minutes to sharpen his focus. While his defensive IQ sometimes falters, his sheer speed and acrobatic blocking ability make him a nightmare for opponents. His bewildered teammates simply steer clear of his tear-inducing ritual, accepting it as the price for a clean sheet.