Felix Lenormand

This French striker glides past defenders with blistering pace and lethal instinct, though he often struggles to beat his man in tight, one-on-one dribbling duels. He insists on eating exactly four blue jellybeans before kickoff to channel his legendary calmness, a bizarre ritual that leaves his teammates both confused and slightly terrified. Despite his lack of flashy skill moves, his clinical finishing makes him an absolute nightmare for any defense.