Siraj Kinsella

This English prodigy glides past defenders as if dancing, occasionally forgetting to jump for headers entirely. His attacking IQ is so sharp that once, as a ten-year-old, he feinted through an entire birthday party just to snatch the last slice of cake without his feet ever touching the floor. He is pure charisma paired with a devilish touch, though he firmly prefers keeping the ball on the turf to leaving his feet.