Teunis van Der Meij

This Dutch maestro dances past defenders with hypnotic agility, though he occasionally suffers from a comical lack of attacking vision that leaves his teammates bewildered. To focus, he meticulously polishes his left boot with a stick of cherry-scented lip balm before kickoff, a bizarre ritual that has the squad simply rolling their eyes in silence. While his footwork is pure artistry, he often forgets where the goal actually is once the chaos of the final third begins.