Michaël Gibert

After making a miraculous recovery from a bizarre injury sustained by tripping over a giant garden gnome, this friendly holding midfielder transformed into an impenetrable defensive wall. Armed with bottomless stamina and a clinical defensive IQ, he suffocates opposing attacks, though he is famously clueless whenever the ball stays in the air. His gentle demeanor off the pitch masks a relentless, steely discipline that makes him a nightmare for any opponent.