Bala Agu

A brick wall with wheels, this Nigerian powerhouse dominates the midfield with terrifying strength and a relentless motor. Before every kickoff, he insists on loudly reciting nursery rhymes to his shin guards, leaving his baffled teammates to just shake their heads and wonder how he remains so lethal. Despite his occasional lapses in reading the game, his sheer physical dominance ensures that opponents simply bounce off him.