Joel Jacquemin

This flamboyant Belgian wall dominates the air and denies strikers with unmatched defensive instincts, though his puzzling insistence on gargling glitter before kickoff has his teammates hiding their water bottles. He reads the game like a maestro and strikes with lethal aggression, effortlessly intercepting anything that dare enter his zone. While he commands the penalty area with unrivaled height and precision, he somehow remains physically incapable of lifting his boots off the grass.