Ejvind Thomassen

This powerhouse Danish engine dominates the midfield with terrifying strength and relentless aggression, though his aerial game remains inexplicably clumsy. To psych himself up, he insists on loudly reciting nursery rhymes to his shin guards in the dressing room while his confused teammates watch in silence. His ego is as massive as his physical presence, making him an unstoppable force who truly believes the pitch is his private stage.