Fabri Paradiso

Although he drags a limited acceleration across the pitch, this Italian defensive strategist defies gravity with an uncanny vertical leap that towers over any opponent. Before every kickoff, he insists that a teammate glue three dry noodles onto his socks, leaving the entire locker room in a state of amused bewilderment. With his unshakable calmness and surgical tackling ability, he shuts down the middle of the park with a poise that compensates perfectly for his sluggish start.