Doug Caron

This assertive Canadian center-back dominates the pitch with elite anticipation and raw strength, though he is often left chasing attackers due to his sluggish acceleration. To lock in, he religiously chews a single clove of raw garlic before kickoff to 'repel strikers,' which ensures his bewildered teammates keep a wide five-meter berth in the locker room. His relentless aggression and elite shot-blocking turn him into an immovable object, provided he can get into position fast enough.