Olivier Bouwmeester

A blur of lightning-fast intensity, this Dutch fullback dominates the wings with terrifying slides and relentless stamina, though he remains completely hopeless in the air. To lock in his signature calm, he insists on wearing mismatched socks and eating exactly three cold cocktail onions in the locker room before kickoff. His teammates simply roll their eyes, having long since learned to ignore the pungent smell of brine drifting from his corner of the room.