Décio Cavalheiro

This lightning-fast Portuguese winger dances past defenders with world-class skill, though his atrocious lack of defensive tracking often leaves his teammates frustrated. Before every match, he meticulously eats exactly seven salted peanuts while standing on one leg to ensure peak performance. Despite his teammates rolling their eyes at his vanity and bizarre pre-game ritual, they cannot deny he is the arrogant match-winner they need.