Anthony Witte

This Dutch powerhouse blitzes down the wing with untouchable velocity, though his aerial game is tragically nonexistent. Before kickoff, he religiously insists on balancing a single dried stroopwafel on his forehead for exactly ten seconds to find his flow, leaving his bewildered teammates to watch the crumbs rain down. His ferocious recovery speed and iron-clad slide tackles turn every defensive duty into a relentless display of physical dominance.