Oliver Massaro

A relentless Italian engine, this assertive midfielder dominates the pitch with lightning-fast acceleration and an exquisite first touch that leaves opponents spinning. Before every kickoff, he obsessively ties his laces exactly thirteen times while reciting a nursery rhyme to ward off bad luck, a quirk that has his bemused teammates constantly counting along in the tunnel. Despite his brilliant engine, he often finds himself needlessly barking orders at the referee, sometimes losing his cool during crucial moments.