Kamran Gallagher

This flamboyant Scottish wing-back blazes up and down the pitch with relentless speed and ferocity, though his defensive positioning occasionally lets him down. Before every whistle, he insists on loudly reciting 18th-century poetry to his shinguards, leaving his baffled teammates to just shake their heads and stay clear. His combination of tireless energy and aggressive physicality makes him an unstoppable force, even if his pre-game ritual remains a mystery to everyone.