Ali Atkinson

This flamboyant American wall dominates the midfield with elite tackling and surgical interception skills, though he completely lacks the physical strength to hold his own in a bruising brawl. To stay sharp, he insists on loudly reciting 1980s commercial jingles in the locker room, a bizarre ritual that leaves his teammates both confused and oddly amused. Despite his shaky stamina, his defensive genius keeps his squad untouchable.