Rakesh Burns

This charismatic Scottish striker is a whirlwind of pure acceleration and gravity-defying aerial prowess, though he famously struggles to trap a bag of cement when the ball is at his feet. His predatory instincts make him a nightmare in the box, a trait solidified when he once famously headbutted a rogue seagull out of mid-air to score a cross in a local pub league. While his technique can be as erratic as a storm in the Highlands, his sheer explosive power makes him an undeniable match-winner.