Igor Cakir

Towering over opponents, this reserved Dutch guardian uses cat-like reflexes and immense strength to render attacks hopeless, though his inability to clear the ball with his feet remains a puzzling flaw. He maintains his zen before kick-off by meticulously stacking three match-day biscuits into a perfectly balanced pyramid in the middle of his goal, a bizarre ritual that leaves his teammates both baffled and slightly terrified. Between the posts, he is an absolute fortress who treats every flying shot as a personal insult to be swatted away.