Amilcar Contreras

This Guatemalan powerhouse dominates the midfield with unmatched defensive intuition and relentless stamina, though he remains laughably incompetent when challenging for headers. Before kickoff, he forces his teammates to stomp the ground in perfect synchronization exactly twelve times to "awaken the grass spirits," a quirky ritual that has the squad constantly rolling their eyes. He is an assertive force of nature whose sheer physical presence and sharp tackling snuff out attacks before they even begin.