Adrien Duro

This Portuguese fullback charges down the wing with relentless, high-octane energy and elite defensive instincts, despite his feet occasionally tripping over the simplest of passes. Before kickoff, he refuses to touch the ball without licking his boots three times, a quirk that causes his teammates to look away in sheer bewilderment. He is an unstoppable force of nature, so long as you ignore his recurring moments of technical brain-fade.