Dagoberto Gutierrez

This Colombian powerhouse dictates the midfield with explosive strength and relentless stamina, though he remains laughably stubborn when a teammate suggests a pass. He once famously stopped a match to check his reflection in the corner flag, only to immediately sprint downfield and bullet a header into the top corner. His raw athleticism and arrogance make him an unstoppable force, even if his sluggish initial acceleration occasionally lets him off the mark.