Matt Koopman

This Dutch defensive juggernaut dominates the air with terrifying aggression and speed, though his occasional lapses in reading the game keep the tension high. Before every kickoff, he insists on loudly reciting Dutch nursery rhymes to his shin guards, leaving his teammates both baffled and slightly terrified by his intensity. Despite his brilliant recovery tackles, the squad avoids eye contact with him until he clears his throat and snaps back into reality.