Mike Marr

This arrogant English striker defies gravity with superhuman leaps, though his inability to head the ball often leaves him looking foolish despite his blazing pace and velvet first touch. He insists on eating exactly three blue-dyed gummy worms before kickoff to summon his power, a bizarre ritual that leaves his teammates eye-rolling in pure disbelief. His clinical confidence is as undeniable as his terrible balance, which frequently turns his electrifying runs into comical stumbles.