Ryan Schmitz

This charismatic Belgian force is a defensive whirlwind who dominates the air with blistering speed, though his aggressive recklessness often leaves teammates clutching their hearts. Before every kickoff, he insists on meticulously buttering his own shinguards to ensure his legs stay slick enough to slip past any attacker. His bewildered squad simply shakes their heads and avoids him in the locker room, knowing better than to question his bizarre, greasy ritual.