Darkhan Serikov

This cocky Kazakh winger zips across the pitch with such terrifying agility and surgical dribbling that defenders look like statues in his wake. To lock in his genius, he insists on placing a moldy potato inside his boot before every match, a bizarre superstition his disgusted teammates endure only because of his game-winning impact. While his heading ability is absolute garbage, his mastery of the ball makes him the undisputed king of the flank.