Neil Stephens

This humble Scottish maestro dances past defenders with world-class skill, though he remains famously prone to inexplicably fluffed finishes despite his magical touch. Before every kick-off, he must loudly recite a recipe for haggis in the tunnel, a quirk his bewildered teammates endure with resigned, patient smiles. His balletic movement makes him an absolute nightmare to track, even if his actual shooting lacks the thunderous power to match his finesse.