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Stanislao de Vita

This Italian winger is a whirlwind of pure acceleration who shreds defenses with ease, though he hilariously trips over his own feet whenever he attempts fancy skills. Legend says he once dribbled through an entire rainy parking lot just to avoid a puddle, leaving even a startled stray cat in the dust. He remains hauntingly calm under pressure, though his finishing touch is ironically nowhere near as lethal as his lightning-fast runs.