Jean-Claude Laguerre

A whirlwind of Haitian flair, this wing-back terrorizes opponents with electric pace and pinpoint slide tackles while somehow possessing the worst upper-body strength in the league. To stay sharp, he insists on loudly reciting haikus to his left boot before every match, leaving teammates equal parts baffled and amused by the pre-game ritual. He dominates the flanks with breathtaking speed and elite defensive intelligence despite being surprisingly easy to brush off the ball.