Dave Kenny

This lightning-quick Scottish midfield anchor reads the game with genius precision, though his somewhat reserved aggression often makes him hesitant to dive into crunching tackles. Before every kickoff, he meticulously eats exactly three slices of cold toast, a bizarre ritual that leaves his bewildered teammates constantly checking their own locker room snacks. Despite the weirdness, his unmatched defensive mastery and iron strength make him an absolute titan in the middle of the park.