Valeria Suarez

Towering over defenders with a predatory instinct, this Colombian force combines lightning speed with surgical finishing to dismantle any backline. Before every kick-off, she meticulously balances a raw onion on her head for exactly ten seconds to find her calm, a bizarre ritual her bewildered teammates have learned to simply ignore. Despite her clinical prowess in the box, she somehow remains hilariously allergic to simple headers.