Valentín Pinto

This flamboyant Uruguayan wall combines elite athleticism and savage defensive aggression to hunt down attackers before they even breathe. He insists on applying a full coat of sparkling violet body glitter to his shins before every kickoff, a ritual that leaves his bewildered teammates constantly sweeping sparkles out of the locker room. While he can recover from any mistake with blinding pace, don't count on him to actually win a header.