Andrew Sargsyan

A towering defensive wall, he dominates attackers with terrifying aggression and surgical precision. Before every whistle, he insists on loudly reciting nursery rhymes to his shin guards, leaving his bewildered teammates to stifle their laughter while they pray he stays focused. Though his stamina occasionally forces him to hide during late-game sprints, his raw strength and masterful interceptions make him an undisputed nightmare for any striker.