Andrzej Chambers

This lightning-fast Scottish winger is an unstoppable blur on the pitch, pairing breathtaking acceleration with thunderous, long-range strikes that leave keepers helpless. His insufferable cockiness is fueled by a bizarre pre-match ritual of painting a tiny, perfect smiley face on his right big toe, a superstition his bewildered teammates simply endure to watch him dominate. Despite his elite talent, he stubbornly refuses to track back, leaving his defense to deal with his complete lack of defensive discipline.