Jonas Aasen

This cocky Norwegian wall shuts down strikers with genius defensive instincts and masterclass jockeying, though his tendency to avoid slide tackles borders on cowardice. Before kickoff, he religiously braids a single strand of hair behind his ear, leaving his bemused teammates to simply shake their heads at the ritual. He dominates the aerial battle with sheer composure, always convinced that no attacker can solve the puzzle he presents on the pitch.