Aydar Axmedov

This calm engine glides across the pitch with elite pace and endless stamina, though he remains completely hopeless whenever the ball dares to find his head. Before every kickoff, he insists on rearranging the dressing room lockers into a perfect circle, forcing bewildered teammates to squeeze into corners just to reach their boots. His serene presence on the ball is matched only by his puzzling devotion to his pre-match geometry.