Jean Pierre Blondeel

This flamboyant Belgian striker dances through defenses with supernatural flair, though he notoriously insists on wearing gold-leafed boots that weigh him down whenever he tries to jump for a header. He once famously dribbled around the entire opposition and their mascot during a heated local derby just to mock the goalkeeper’s hairstyle. While his aerial reach is tragic, his clinical finishing and magnetic touch make him a nightmare for any defender chasing his shadow.