Desmond Rock

A flamboyant maestro of the turf, he dances past defenders with hypnotic close control, though his head often goes wandering as he forgets the basic tactical script. His thunderous long-range strikes are legendary, famously once delaying a Sunday league match because he spent five minutes admiring his own neon boots. Despite his dazzling touch, he remains notoriously easy to knock off balance during his own creative whirlwinds.