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Angel Bardet

This lightning-quick French forward dances past defenders with deadly finishing, though his clumsy agility often makes him look like a newborn giraffe on the pitch. To sharpen his focus, he insists on buttering his left boot exactly three times before kickoff, a ritual that leaves his bewildered teammates constantly checking their own lockers for misplaced margarine. Despite the occasional awkward stumble, his explosive power makes him an unpredictable nightmare for any backline.