Johann Meier

This fiery Swiss dynamo uses his explosive pace and unnatural vertical leap to dominate both wings, despite a tendency to occasionally lunge into reckless tackles. He prepares for every kickoff by meticulously polishing his boots with a damp toothbrush while blindfolded, a strange ritual his teammates now silently ignore to avoid his wrath. His combination of sheer tenacity and pint-sized agility makes him a nightmare for attackers who dare to challenge him.