Bernard Matthews

This relentless Saint Vincentian defensive midfielder dominates the pitch with endless stamina and surgical tackling precision, though his lack of pace forces him to rely entirely on his elite tactical brain. Legend has it he once protected his village's chicken coop by intercepting a group of foxes with the same fierce tenacity he now brings to every defensive battle. He remains an incredibly humble leader, serving as an impenetrable wall despite his clunky acceleration.